about
I've sacrificed EVERYTHING. Health, money, career, friends, family. All for the sake of trying to discover what this reality truly is. Over the last 10 years, I've been devoted to becoming conscious of the world around me. All is not what it seems. As my health deteriorates, I created this site to share some of my findings.
1980, when I was 7. The canoe tipped over and I remained under water until it was flipped back over because I never let go.
I believe I’m being kept in the dark on purpose by unseen forces who are judging/watching me and manipulating my reality based on my thoughts & actions.
I also believe there is an intelligence, seemingly related to technology, that can inhabit human bodies and go from body to body using humans as vessels/transportation and as a means to experience human activities. We also appear to be used as an energy/food source (basically, like the Matrix movie concept). The majority of people around me…and on TV, etc. are speaking in coded, double meaning language in order to hide who/what they really are and how they are trying to utilize us.
Truth is the only thing that matters to me now. I don’t take people seriously who say defeatist statements like “we’ll never know” or “no one has ever figured it out”. As far as I’m concerned, those people are agents here to keep things in order, to keep things moving…according to a script, or a business plan, or whatever is actually happening.
I don’t care if I’m sacrificing some unknown agreement I’ve made to be part of this place and that I’m ruining everything for myself and anyone else who wants to play the game or participate in the school or be rewarded for being used…or whatever is going on. I just can’t take being in the dark anymore and refuse to participate until I’m given legitimate information about why I’m here and how I’m being utilized.
The people in my life are unable to handle the proof I’m providing on this website. As a result, I've become accusatory, abrasive, anti-social, and just completely lost.
I don't understand how the people who supposedly love me can continue to treat my situation the way they do. No one will REALLY take a moment to address what it appears is happening in the world, and it's caused me to lose trust in every single person in my life. These people are either not the original versions of themselves, are possessed, or are simply asleep and don't want to wake up to the truth. Or, they are purposely covering it up.
Of course, they may have always been this way and it’s just that I am currently waking up and realizing it.
Even though I’m completely stable, completely clear headed (not foggy, not speaking at some weird, fast pace (and various other traits of those with legitimate mental issues), I’m told by the people around me that I need to take medication, that I have a brain chemistry problem, or that I’m crazy. It’s completely absurd and completely suspect.
Well, I'm not giving up and I'm not just going to accept this false reality until I discover the truth. I’d prefer to leave without actually committing suicide to prove I don’t want to be here. This place is a limited, nefarious existence and I want no part of continually being kept in the dark…and seemingly being used.
I'm not looking for drama. I don't desire conflict. I'm not trying to hurt anyone. I just want answers. I'm completely alone here and the people in my life continue to get caught up in mundane human nonsense and can't seem to handle my personality because they take things personally. It's immensely saddening.
Everything in this reality appears to be synced and manipulated by hidden forces. The main categories of my website show you the proof of how, if you really pay attention to the world around you, you begin to notice what's happening. Once you begin to get a glimpse into the manipulation that is going on, it's impossible to just continue your day to day life and continue to "play house" with those around you.
The larger issue is that not a single person in my life will take more than a few minutes to just stop their lives to look at things for what they really are. HEY, any family members who are reading this right now, maybe you can take a couple hours, rather than a few minutes, to actually read the “Key Moments” of my website, to get ABSOLUTE verification that this place is a lie.
The lack of acknowledgement is what causes a lack of trust. It's a terrible, in between, existence never knowing who the people around you truly are and always questioning what's real vs. what's simply part of some script…or some set up that is being created by whoever is pulling the strings.
My ultimate goal is truth. Is revelation. Is comfort, power, joy, lack of limitation, freedom.
Once you realize the world is being purposely manipulated and that you are seemingly just a pawn or just being used…or tested, wouldn't you want to know who was behind it all? Wouldn't you want to escape? Wouldn't you want to stop acting like things are just normal and instead ponder that the constant limitations may just be an illusion forced upon you to create drama and energy for some unknown source?
My "if you can't eat 'em, drink 'em" entry sums up why I am currently unable to live like a regular person. The people around me, even members of my own family, are seemingly being inhabited or shadowed by nefarious entities and are speaking in code/double meanings in order to hide the REAL meaning of their communications.
Why do we exist in a reality that enforces negative consequences upon all over-indulgence? Why do we live in a world where duality and divide is constantly in play and virtually everything is at odds?
There's no way this is a TRULY legitimate existence. UNLESS...it's a game. Or a show, with ups and downs forced on the characters in order to stimulate an audience. An audience who has been fooled into believing in the rules and limitations of their own existence, which parallels that of the characters in whatever they are watching.
Why can't people consistently eat what their taste buds love without their bodies giving them trouble for doing this? Why do people who do coke for a couple days straight come down so fucking hard that they feel like nothing matters and that they don't even want to be alive? Why do people who drink too much have to vomit in a toilet to get the poison out of them?
It's the biggest lie that exists. That you must be limited and balanced or you will be victim to the pain that results from the "chemistry" that something unseen has created to dictate our reality. The rules of our bodies, of our beliefs, of our lives. Are you sure you agreed to be here and to be part of this?
If you think what I just said is stupid, or naive, or boring, and you believe balance and limitation are just "part of life" and necessary, well, you've been brainwashed. Your blind acceptance of the rules is the main reason this perpetual drama/game/illusion stays as limited as it is. I’m not saying the rules here aren’t true, I’m saying they’re a fucking joke and somehow I’ve/we’ve ended up here having to succumb to these limitations that have been created by an unseen force. But that doesn’t make this reality, the REAL reality.
If you believe in rhetoric like "no pain, no gain" or believe people need to "work hard" in order to deserve things in the world or to gain respect, you're under a form of hypnosis and need to snap out of it. The only reason these things hold truth and ARE true here is because so many people believe in them.
My belief is that the source of the pain that results from consequences is based on other people’s negative judgements about the actions you've done. Even if they only involve yourself and don’t necessarily affect anyone else. Whether it’s an audience or the subconscious doing the judging, it’s still an illusion.
If you don’t feel we should all be able to live a life of constant joy, pleasure, happiness, comfort, creativity, love, etc, without constantly having to "pay" for it, I respect your opinion, but I can't possibly agree with that mentality.
Why shouldn't we all want non stop gratification, satisfaction, joy, pleasure? And why shouldn't we be able to attain these things in the easiest way possible? Why is this frowned upon here by so many? Why do people actually buy into terrible philosophy like "you can't have the sweet without the sour"? Because this place is a lie.
Balance, moderation, limitation are all just elements of the game, the show, the abomination that I feel this reality currently is.
The whole thing has been set up to keep the hamsters on their wheels in order to create energy/entertainment for those who are hidden. Or to get us to become better artists, writers, songwriters, creators, actors…simply based on the ups and down of our lives resulting in “material” to write about and to get others to relate to, so they feel something. To change our personalities in order to be better characters in the show.
The consequences are the issue, not the actions resulting in consequences. The Con Sequences are the lie, the con. People have been fooled into believing that the 7 deadly sins are true and you should judge others based upon them. We have been purposely set up with limited lives as part of the game/story and these sins are frowned upon because everyone's been brainwashed into believing they SHOULD BE frowned upon.
Not a single person here should be judging another person at this point, regardless of the intricacies of daily life and duality. Everything seems to be a set up, so why bother making basic human judgements anymore? The only ones who should be judged negatively are those who have created this reality, this game, this show, this prison, and who continue to keep the rest of us in the dark while using us as pawns for their entertainment or as an energy source.
I have no recollection of having agreed to play any kind of game of life or game of balance, or whatever this is. As far as I'm concerned, I'm being held captive here.
I believe just the simple act of giving someone attention, even just a thought, somehow activates this person into your reality…
…and that they are able to exist in your realm as a ghost you cannot see. Or they appear in your "physical" reality in a cloned state (you can tell it's them by their eyes/voice). OR, they can actually shadow your body/reside within you and experience life through you as a form of possession.
It's an act of "channeling" and everyone you've ever known or witnessed (on TV, in music, in person, etc) are all competing for your attention. Who will you think of most? Who do you love the most? Whose actions do you mimic the most?
Based on your answers to those questions, you're actually bringing to life and bringing to prominence these entities. The kind of attention you give them feeds them in metaphoric, symbolic ways. The world around you can morph into a reflection of whoever you give the most attention to. They essentially become your demi-gods and you their slave, doing what they represent or what they want you to do most…as they can seemingly experience life through the use of your body and through influencing your mind.
I believe there is some kind of entity (or a number of entities/demi-gods) at the helm who wants to be shown devotion and that you "care" about them or the things/energy they represent.
Call it "God" or "mother and father" or imagine something along the lines of the TV show ‘American Gods’, where vindictive, attention seeking asshole demi-gods are all vying for the attention/devotion of someone. It may have to do with the 7 groupings of letters based on my Alphabet Wheel Theory.
I believe whoever is at the helm wants you to prove how much you love them through the attention you give them or the things they represent (money, food, music, internet, sex, sports, kindness, philanthropy, love, etc). Through the amount of hard work you do, the amount of sacrifice you make, etc. in order to stay alive and thrive in this reality.
If this is true, I want no part of it.
Once again, it's just a test. A lie. A set up. False limitation and struggle in order to see how hard you will work for those you supposedly love, JUST so they will know you care and hence they win some competition/points in a game or the ability to control you and/or spend time with you.
My current list of personal rules/values/beliefs:
#1: It’s all bullshit. This place is a lie. Always assume that everyone in my reality knows everything that is really happening. What I'm thinking, what I'm doing, what this place really is, and why I’m truly here. They know, while I remain in the dark. If they don’t know, then they are most likely NPC/robotic human characters simply used for service, as cameras, as vehicles/drones that an “agent” can utilize/shadow at any point in order to interact with me. They are puppets that produce messages, code, flash colors, and coordinate the manipulation of my reality.
#2: I don’t want to be here. I believe this place is being manipulated by a hidden element and that every decision I make is somehow reliant on this hidden element judging me and allowing or not allowing what I want to come to fruition based on my thoughts, actions, and amount of love/attention I give it/them. Or how entertaining I am. Or whether or not they are sharing my body at the time. Or as an attempt to train me/teach me lessons.
Why would anyone want to exist in a reality where you are being kept in the dark on what is really happening? Where you are constantly being judged and your world manipulated as a result of this judgement? Where it’s possible your body is being used/shared without remembering having given prior consent? Where the lack and limitation in your life may simply be forced upon you?
I used to enjoy going outside, observing the world, the people around me. Now, whenever I leave (rarely) I purposely avoid looking at everyone, I say nothing, I don’t smile. I even wear white noise ear buds 24/7 now so I don’t have to hear the coded, double meaning speak around me or the loud noises that seem to appear when I have particular thoughts or do certain things.
It is impossible to be motivated or inspired to learn, accomplish, love, care, etc. in a world that you do not trust and where you’re constantly trying to figure out what’s really happening without being given clear answers. IT’S IMPOSSIBLE.
#3: I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. I don’t care about how anyone judges me anymore. I don’t feel shame for minor things I do in my life that may equate to being judged negatively (eating unhealthy food, not working, not exercising, jerking off occasionally, sending absurd, drunk emails to those I’ve known in my life, etc).
I have the life I have and it comes with limitations based on how I am currently choosing to participate. My choices don’t necessarily match up with the rules of this place or whoever is judging me/using me and what they want me to accomplish. Therefore, the consequences are physical. Caring about what anyone thinks of me means resigning myself to the fact that this reality of “putting on acts” is real.
Don’t listen to the devil on one side or the angel on the other side. Don’t give a fuck about what either of them are saying (see #6, below).
People may not like me operating this way, but I realize this place is a lie so it doesn’t matter at all, regardless of them thinking it’s real and that I’m not satisfying their programmed idea of what is cool or not cool. Judgment only matters if you care that someone is judging you. DON’T CARE and it won’t matter. It doesn’t mean I’m a psychopath without regard for others with the intention to harm anyone, this has only to do with how others perceive my supposed weaknesses/me. If somehow other’s judgements about me are affecting me negatively, just ride it out until I’m finally out of here.
It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you, it's what you think of yourself. If you love yourself, love yourself. If you don't love yourself, change.
#4: Why bother? Do not make conversation, jokes, etc. Be as boring as possible as a form of protest. Only respond with the absolute basic necessary responses in public (thank you, yes please). Don’t respond to emails, don’t comment on websites, don’t respond to comments on my videos, etc.
I believe I’m being watched and I refuse to be entertaining, to be tested, or to be “sized up” in any way. The majority of what I would be responding to is a farce and only set up in order to get me to react. OR, it’s posted to relay coded, double meaning messages in order to fuck with my mind or as some kind of "chakra day" agenda.
If at any point I think to myself while I’m composing a comment, sending a defensive email, or making bullshit conversation: “why the fuck am I even doing this?”, just stop doing it….because WHY BOTHER?
#5: We shouldn't have to give to receive. We shouldn't have to work hard to deserve more. I understand that the fake, purposely limited reality I currently find myself stuck in requires these acts. But, it doesn't mean they are necessary in the TRUE, unlimited reality that I believe exists somewhere/somehow else. The need to rely on the charity, kindness, attention, or work of others (or of ourselves) is an abomination and only exists in a system that has been set up to rely on these things.
Here is an expanded list of this rule/belief:
1. I don't believe I should have to: Pray/worship to manifest something positive in return
2. I don't believe I should have to: Be thankful to manifest something positive in return
3. I don't believe I should have to: Give attention to anyone or anything to manifest something positive in return
4. I don't believe I should have to: Work hard to manifest something positive in return.
5. I don't believe I should have to: Visualize to manifest something positive in return.
6. I don't believe I should have to: Meditate to manifest something positive in return.
7. I don't believe I should have to: Exercise/have a proper diet to manifest something positive in return.
8. I don't believe I should have to: Be kind to manifest something positive in return.
9. I don't believe I should have to: Sacrifice to manifest something positive in return.
10. I don't believe I should have to: Entertain/be creative to manifest something positive in return.
11. I don't believe I should have to: Be positive to manifest something positive in return.
And I don't believe anyone else's well being should rely on receiving those things from others.
#6: BE OMEGA. Don’t choose sides or try to be accepted in any way. Instead, just enjoy the physical and mental pleasures of life, remember it’s all a sham, and continue to seek truth until I die. Duality is a lie and none of the limitation imposed here means anything in the long run. If you have a devil on one side telling you you’re a piece of shit and an angel on one side telling you you’re great and deserve praise, how about not listening to either of them and just choosing to not give a fuck about what anyone else says about you?
#7: The concept of "celebrity" and "fame" does not allure me into being something other than myself simply for the sake of getting attention/false love. This is simply a continuation of a couple previous rules/beliefs. This doesn’t mean I don’t feel empathy for those who care about receiving attention in this way (I’ve been there). I will simply not aspire to receive accolades of any kind. I will simply be.
#8: Fear nothing. Pain, consequence, loss, the boogie man (evil), false news narratives, authority figures, etc. This doesn’t mean I choose to be an anarchist or to cause mayhem, it simply means don’t ever let my mind reside in fear, which causes energy that THEY are attempting to utilize.
#9: Tell the truth, always, without fear of consequences. When you have nothing to hide, this is an easy rule.
#10: PUSH IT. Don’t let the limitations of my body/life bring me down. Keep doing whatever I choose to do, even if it hurts terribly at times. Even if my insides are on fire, don’t change my habits. Overcome the limitation or accept the pain. If I choose to eat foods that are considered healthy, which I often do, do it ONLY because I love those foods, not because I’m supposed to eat them to be healthy or to “raise my frequency". If I choose to drink a 5th of whiskey each day to numb the pain of this reality, keep doing it.
I refuse to participate in a reality where you are forced to abide by physical limitations. I accept the misery, should it be there, by not doing so. I believe the pains I experience are mostly related to entities who are purposely fucking with me via voodoo doll type parallels. Much of it seemingly relates to my Alphabet Wheel theory and particularly my mother and father and other family members.
#11: Even though there absolutely seems to be some system in place, a game/school based on me collecting colors/words on each day that corresponds with each chakra, each planet, etc, I refuse to make any attempt to follow or abide by this system. - Or by any other system that seems to be in place in this purposely structured reality. I don’t want to be here and don’t believe in necessary, imposed limitation, regardless of whether it’s something I signed up for without remembering (a game, a school, a loosh farm, whatever).
#12: I will never go to a dentist, doctor, or hospital ever again. Whatever happens to me has to be cured with my own mind, my own physical attempts/skill, or metaphysical assistance that I cannot perceive. I do not accept that I live in a reality where you’re forced to go to these “people" in order to help/cure some disease, pain, or injury.
#13: I do not buy into preconceived notions, contrived “cliche” beliefs like “it only gets worse” or “no pain, no gain” or “we’ll never know” or “it’s never been done before, so we know it can’t be done”, or “you can’t have the sweet without the sour”, etc.
I don’t trust anyone who believes they know how things will go or will pan out, simply because that’s been the way it is for them…or even for generations before me. I don’t care about what you went through which now causes you to believe that things only go a certain way or in one direction. I believe this kind of nonsense is what creates a “subconscious”, which is just a word for “those previous to me” who believe in something and are therefore attempting to persuade me to do things a certain way out of fear of consequence. BUT are the consequences they’ve experienced actually concrete, or are they an illusion/changeable?
Clichés like the tweet screenshot below are lies and should never be taken seriously. They are a form of control, an attempt to limit us. I do not believe in statements like this and will continue to try to rid myself of my old belief that these kinds of statements were true:
#14: Don’t believe anything I read or see in the news/media. Most news, politics, media, etc. is set up to have humans debating what the real truth is and to extract energy and/or to mind fuck us and divide us. So, don’t bother paying attention to it, UNLESS it seems to tie to my own behavior, which it clearly is influenced by at times. Many of the stories/events are just coded, double meaning observations and reactions to my own actions, thoughts, and beliefs.
#15: I have nothing to do here, so if I feel like doing stupid shit like posting purposely nonsensical posts on Reddit or crazy drunk replies to Tweets for a laugh, don’t beat myself up over it. I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO HERE and I’m just fucking around while I bide time until my death. I’m simply keeping my brain active. I have zero interest in improving myself, of learning new things, of creating anything of substance. I do not enjoy waking up in a reality where I cannot trust anyone and therefore have no inspiration or desire to achieve anymore.
#16: QUESTION EVERYTHING. Nothing is what it seems here and everything I experience seems to have a double, hidden meaning. “Try to read between the lines” -Tool (band)…helps me to remember that even though sometimes it seems like a legitimate back and forth between two sides (duality), most of the news/tweets/etc are coded and have deeper meanings. We are being played, our reality manipulated, and our bodies/energy are being used.
#17: Observe. Do not judge. Try to understand. Be open to theories that may seem to be unbelievable, immoral, alternative, etc. The main point is that whatever is happening in the world, do not simply buy into what I’m “supposed” to believe or how I’m supposed to react, based on cultural norms or societal acceptance of what is right or wrong. It’s not always black and white. I am not in a position to judge someone/anything else when I have no idea how other’s life paths are created or what their true desires may be. This doesn’t mean I don’t believe this reality is being purposely manipulated and that I’m being purposely kept in the dark (I DO judge those people/entities negatively), I’m simply referring to any of the people around me who may be real and in the same boat I’m in.
#18: I don’t regret anything I’ve done in my current life, nor do I regret NOT having done anything I may have originally wanted to do.
#19: I don’t believe anyone should have to rely on anyone else to achieve well-being or should you have to give anyone attention/love to achieve well-being, or should you have to work hard in any way to achieve well-being. This place and the limitation here are lies. A game, show, school, prison, farm, energy extraction, or whatever it is. We should be able to be completely self-sufficient, with the ability to create and enjoy life without affecting anyone else negatively or vice versa.
My comfort and my wellbeing should not depend on whether or not people care about me or like me.
UNLESS this reality has been purposely set up the opposite way in order to entertain ourselves with the constant ups and downs, like some kind of self-imposed video game or movie.
#20: I’d prefer to live as a positive, joyful, creative, inspired individual amongst others who are similar, genuine, and not just acting to get attention or ahead in some way. Unfortunately this current reality does not allow me to feel comfortable while trying to achieve this, as my actions are constantly met with limitation, aggravation, delay, miscommunication. All the while, I sense that the people around me are simply projections of entities who are somehow shadowing my body and using me.
I feel that most of this is being done on purpose and that much of my reality is being manipulated by someone/something else in order to activate and control my chakra system (Hue-man) and particularly to get me to become emotional or to get my brainwaves to be more active (mind fucking through lies/fear). Therefore, I will not be positive about the situation until the truth is completely revealed.
#21: I have the power. I can conquer this blip in whatever the entirety of my reality truly is. I hold all the power of the universe and no matter how much I’ve been humanized (and de-humanized) by whoever has placed me here, I can overcome it all. I can be above it all. I have the power to transform it all to the highest culmination of my my positive intent and my greatest desires and to escape this limited reality. If this isn’t true, please kill me/delete me/abort me.
#22: “Rules are meant to be broken”. I don’t actually buy into clichéd, mundane, typical BS statements like “rules are meant to be broken”, but why limit myself to my own rules when I can’t stand rules to begin with?
